I am noticing more and more how sinful my heart is. I struggle with comparison, pride, self centeredness and envy.

I compare myself to everyone. For example this is exactly how it goes down in my head. Word for word:

Why is that guy meeting with him? Doesn’t he know that I am just as good that guy is?  Doesn’t he know that I went to Summer Beach Project and that I was a Team Leader?! Doesn’t he realize that I am just as good if not better than he is.

or

That guy knows like 20 billions people and I only know a couple. He is such a better discipler than I am.  He has a huge following and I have nothing to show for my 4 years at Bethel. He has more influence on guys in his left little finger than I do in my entire body for the 4 years I have been at Bethel.

I don’t know if you struggle with this as well but man I need Jesus.  Its great that this drives me to Christ and to Christ alone.  I am not perfect in any way. I need Christ to fulfill me.  I need to look to Christ for recognition and my identify not in other people or how I am doing in the ministry.  Its soo easy to get caught up in ministry and completely forget about what ministry is about.

Its about people getting to know Jesus. How dare I forget that.  How dare I forget the reason we are here on earth … to let the nations know that Christ is Lord!

In times like these when I see my enourmous amount of sin I look to passages like Psalm 6.  Specifically Psalm 6:4 “Turn, O LORD, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.”  For the sake of his steadfast love. Just think about that. Mediatate on that for a couple of minutes.

For the sake of your steadfast love Lord. Save me. Be gracious to me. Purify my heart. Destroy my inward evil. Purge my life of sin.  Burn it out of my O Christ.  I need you. I can’t do it alone.  May you become more and I become less.  Forgive my comparison, arrogance, pride, self centeredness and envy.  I am sinful beyond my wildest dreams … in everything I do I need Christ. To Him be the power and glory … forever and ever. Amen.

Adam TO THE MAX is out.

Note: this is not to be prideful or to build myself up. Continue on to learn more.

I have had this said to me many times.  I have even had people say to me that they have had a vision for my life.  Its weird.  The first time I heard this was when I was with a real estate agent who was a believer and he during the final signing of the paper work stopped and he told me about how God is going to use me in big ways.  I think in total I have had about five different people say this to me.

I don’t know if:

1. I am qualified.
2. I want this.
3. I feel this is true.
4. I am worthy.

I am a sinner.  I am full of flaws and horrible things.  I don’t want God, I don’t desire him.  I am not the person that naturally wants to get in the Bible.  I am not the kind of person who naturally just wants to be in the Word studying and learning about theology.

I forget the Gospel continually.

I am filled with flaws and when people say these things to me it makes me then think about how I have a responsibility.  How I have something that I need to fulfill. There is the urgency and massive amount of pressure that I feel.  My life needs to look good. I need to look good.  I need to start shaping up and start to mature.  Things in my life need to change.  Etc.

That in itself is me forgetting the Gospel.  Christ does it all.  Transformation happens through the blood of Christ and continued presence in the Bible.

Father.  That I might remember your Gospel more and more each day.  I pray that I would focus in on you and lock in my mind who you are and what you have done.  I pray that I would want to crush sin in my life not for my own comfort or for my own desires but so that you would be most glorified.  Not so that I would feel more comfortable or so that I would be more pleasing to the public at large but so that you would shine and you would be made much of.

Adam TO THE MAX is out.

Its been a very interesting past couple of weeks.

I have finally started school.  I have 12 credits.  2 of which are PE credits … I know exactly what your thinking … huh?  It should be fun and an easy grade booster! Hopefully.  I am not too worried about this semester or the next to be honest.  I just want to get out of school and start making a difference.  Somewhere.  Anywhere.  I want my life to count.

So far my life has consisted of work, school and work.  I work 20 hours a week at the Apple Store in Minnesota.  Its a blast and I love my job. I also have 12-14 hours a week of classes. Not including homework.

For a personal life … I have work or school.  I really don’t have one yet.  At least that is what it feels like.  We are working on that one.  I love the people I work with.  They are a blast to work with and have been a great group to get to know.

Andrew Knight with COM gave a talk a couple nights ago on ministry and for some reason it really struck a cord with me.  I have almost no influence at Bethel.  I have more influence with other schools.  The University of Minnesota I have some influence. NWC I have probably the most.  I have men who I am giving my life away at least schools.  At Bethel … I would say not as much. Its been an interesting revelation.  Its funny.  Right now I don’t know what I should be focusing in on.  What should be my goal.  In all honestly I would love to go on staff with COM but due to $80,000 in student debt that is just not realistic at all.  I need to get a job to pay ALL of these students loans off and FAST!

So should I be focusing in on COM and doing ministry or on the reality that I will need to get a job in May.  And a high paying job at that.  There is the simple fact that … right now the job that I am working at would not be able to support my expenses.  I would need to get another job.  In all honestly … I am not good at ministry.  Its a struggle for me.  I have a much lower capacity to disciple people then the vast majority of my peers.  Most people can handle about 3-5 guys.  I can disciple 2 WELL maybe! If I am passionate.  As this year is starting out I find myself not excited for the ministry.  Wanting to just start my life. Get on with things.

I don’t know what to think about all of that.  I am still processing it all and trying to gain wisdom from the scriptures.

Adam TO THE MAX is out.

Friends, Family, Supporters and Faithful blog readers,

As some of you might know … I had the opportunity to go down to South Carolina for the 3rd time and invest in my relationship with Jesus.  I chronicled my times this summer here on my blog.  They were all put under the category SBP 09. Please feel free to go back and read through them.  They can provide you with glimpse into what goes on at SBP. I have put together a final update which I would love for you all to read.  It is linked to below.  Its a PDF file so you will have to have a Adobe Reader to open it.

Newsletter

If you have time I would love to know more about your summer! Please feel free to leave comments.

Adam TO THE MAX is out.

Hello, my name is Adam Evers and I work for the Apple Store in Roseville MN.

Its funny how I feel soo blessed by getting this job but also feel so sinful.  As soon as I got the job I heard myself say, ‘Ok.  Everything is going to be good now.  I will be able to make enough money to pay off this or that.’  I put my hope in a job! Not in Jesus Christ.  Its funny how easy it is for me not to believe in Jesus but put hope in other things.

Lord Jesus sanctify me in this.  Destroy the unbelief in my heart.  Help me to see that you are the only thing in my life that I need.  I don’t need another job.  More money or anything else.  My biggest problem has been solved.  I have you.  I am saved and will soon have perfect fellowship and communion with you. Oo how I long and how sweet it will be.

Adam TO THE MAX is out.

I had a friend from the summer talk to me about his family.  It only reminded me of how much of a broken screwed up family I have.  My friend is currently ‘hanging out’ with his dad.  Who he admires, cherishes and has a general amazing/great relationship with.

That’s hard for me.  To be honest freakin hard for me.  Quick reminder.  My parents got divorced when I was in 5th grade.  My dad told the family he was gay in May of 2008 and I have not talked to him in about 8 years.  There is a ton more to that but that is the majority.

Its weird to have friends say, ‘My dad is my best friend’ or ‘My dad is someone who I look up to the most’.  Stuff like that.

Don’t get me wrong.  Back in the day.   Dad and I never had a great relationship but it was alright. But still it’s hard to not have that relationship to look up to and to connect with.

Adam TO THE MAX is out

I will update soon! I promise.  I just need my head to stop spinning …

I saw Bethel University on DG’s website today.  It was really funny.  I am here at SBP in South Carolina and working on a talk and I went to the DG websites for some help on an article.  On the front page I see a picture of a guy in a hall way holding a book.  O look its Bethel’s hallway.  Crazy!

Thanks DG! Bringing a little BU to me in SC.

I like lists.  I want to be the new list guy.

1. God has been doing amazing things on Project.  One of my past room mates was saved and brought into the family of Christ! That was super exciting to hear and talk with him about.
2. I still have no job. Pray for peace in my heart with finances.
3. I am currently at Dunkin Donuts working on my 2nd talk on Encouragement … I don’t do this whole encouragement thing well so please pray for wisdom and discernment on how to lead well in this area.
4. We are reaching the last stretch of project and its sad.  I am going to miss all of this.  This place is amazing.  You learn so much and grow so freakin much as well. I get to see my sin in new lights and grow in ever more ways as well.  I am just so lucky that I can be able to be apart of this project.  God truly is gracious and might.

That’s it for this week/update!

I hope everyone is doing well!

Adam TO THE MAX is out.